100 things we didn't know this time last year

whilst browsing the bbc news website i came across an article which a number of journalists have probably had a lot of fun putting together. and i must say, it has enriched my life. i mean, before today i would have guessed that in the 20 most popular names for boys born in england and wales you'd find names like thomas, james, william, rhys and lets face it, dafydd. 'mohammed' on the other hand, would not have rolled straight off the tongue.

embarrassed by your irrational arachnophobia? give yourself a break! nicole kidman is scared of......butterflies apparently. hate computers? the queen's never even used one. think you're extravagant? tim henman owns a tennis court he's never even used, and the average britton will spend £1,537,380 in their lifetime and buy 3.2 cds a year. 3.2? i'm not even a massive music listener but i'd say there must be some people buying negative amounts to make up for my 2006 purchases.

i could go on...fed up of insurance bills? place bets with bookies instead! Let's face it: it's the same concept.

but then there are some downright ridiculous entries. i mean, these are meant to be things we didn't know last year. a towel doesn't legally reserve a sun lounger. no! surely we would positively expect that somewhere down the line tax payers money has been wasted by an ancient conservative government proposing some sort of legal lounger regulation for our annual 16.72 day summer. 99% of pumpkins we buy are made into lanterns. of course they are - have you ever eaten one? bill gates doesn't own an ipod. i mean come on, get a grip! do you think that the md of tescos ever shops at sainsburys?

overall though, i'd like to think i have filled my head with more useless, strange but true information, just like those books you give your dad every christmas. and i fully identify with george bernard shaw, who, not wanting to tell outright lies, named his garden shed 'London' so when unwelcome guests visited his house, his absence could be legitimately qualified.

my good friend and monopoly nemesis peter has recently both passed his driving test and bought a house in croyden. being part of the legal fraternity (you never know what these people really get up to) peter, you should know that there are more cctv cameras in your new neighbourhood than in new york; that driving at 159mph takes over a third of a mile to stop (and if you're good enough at your job you'll also get yourself off the hook); and that your analysis of the orange sites is correct: they are tactically the best properties to own. although having said that, i don't see the royal opera house milking that claim for all it's worth...

google apps for your domain

google apps for your domain is a web-domain management system currently undergoing beta trials. it's a web-based package containing a selection of free tools that you can use on any of your web domains.

google start page, google talk, google calendar, google page creator all look slightly interesting, but i wouldn't have usually paid much attention. but what attracted me was the email capabilities - you are able to administer all the email accounts at your domain, and give each account web-mail and pop3/smtp access. how? yup, gmail.

gmail already revolutionised the world of email when it came on the scene a few years back, with a claim that you'd never have to delete your email again. now each email address @yourdomain.com can get a 2gb gmail account @yourdomain.com! that's right, no @gmail.com needed.

there are a couple of things to configure at your domain hosting company - first you need to prove the domain is yours by adding a google-tagged CNAME to your DNS (or easier, just upload an html file containing the google-tag to your website) and second you need to [re]point your email delivery to google's servers by adding a bunch of MX records. sounds complicated? it really isn't. you simply log in to your account at your domain host and follow google's instructions. DNS changes can take up to 48 hours to propagate, but mine reached google within a couple of hours. the mail changes seemed instant (under 5 minutes), but i believe that depends on your domain host.

consensus? it's pretty good. as long as you're happy that pop3/smtp gmail access runs on non-standard ports and requires encryption, no problem. oh and if you didn't understand that sentence, the chances are you don't care and you're unaffected.

i haven't looked at the other apps yet - but judging by this, it looks promising.

blaze

wow so where have i been for the past month? long story. well it's not (it's not even a story) but that's another story. (or not as the case may be).

guy-fawkes night was not the only celebration observed by 5 november 2006. blaze is a regular 18-30 event hosted by city church, cambridge. being cambridge it seems to attract a lot of students; an observation substantiated by an abundance of bikes and few cars in the car park. having been invited to demonstrate my percussive skills, we arrived at around 17:15 with a feeling of mixed excitement and anxiety heralding my first band experience on drums, ready for a 19:30 kick off.

our 45 minute opening set was followed by daniel goodman (previously of note for a child) speaking on 'the heart'. then it was back over to us for a final 15 minute response. what i took away was the atmosphere of honesty and reality that permeated the whole event. here was a band that wasn't there to play songs to a bunch of punters who weren't there to sing along. here was a young man who wasn't there to stand on a soap-box and preach a disconnected message to maybe 50 or 60 young adults who weren't there to 'do church'. this was your living room, where you wanted to go, wanted to stay; comfortable and inviting. only from the outside, it was a warehouse next to tescos.

in today's news...

well, you're looking at a pubished writer. a journalist -- sports journalist -- if you will.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/funny_old_game/5398156.stm

(i'll save you time. scroll down to the end of the main article - that's about half way down the overall page)

sheep dash

http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/sleep/sheep/

interactive, educational, informative, blah blah blah...

highly addictive.

get better than 0.1854 average and you beat me. get 'turbo-charged cheetah' and i will respect you...

...and then we will all remember its a stupid sheep game and realise how sad we are.

miracle week

having been over 3 weeks in our new house without a washing machine, freezer or working cooker, i officially christen this week 'miracle week'. the gas man came yesterday and fitted the cooker, and our washer dryer turned up today - the fourth delivery date given to me in as many weeks (the previous three dates each having been revoked due to 'operator error' or 'stock problems' or 'insert excuse here').

the bonus was that the washer dryer arrived with an unexpected companion - the fridge freezer (apparently still on a three-week stock delay as of last week). i could barely believe it and i darent make any sort of exclamation lest they load it back into the van and drive off again. of course, the doors were on the wrong way around, but that's bound to happen. (and of course, i had to re-hang them for another escapade of manliness).

thought for the day: don't buy from boots kitchen appliances. cheap prices become infinitely expensive when goods do not materialise.

politics

so politics. i have to admit, it's not a subject i often embroil myself in. however, today i have been alerted (credit - dj paff pastry) to a website that performs quite an interesting and useful function.

many of you will remember the makepovertyhistory campaign, and how supporters were often encouraged to lobby various mps simply by sending an [optionally pre-written] email through the makepovertyhistory website to show support for the cause.

www.writetothem.com offers exactly that service - free of charge - for you to contact your own mp from the comfort of your executive leather desk chair (regardless of whether it has inbuilt massage function, stereo speakers or mini beer cooler). enter your postcode, and you get a list of your local and central government representatives. a couple of clicks and a few taps later, you've sent your mp a personal email on a subject of your choice.

great service - so easy and quick to get your voice heard. but what i'm more impressed with is the sister site - www.hearfromyourmp.com. if you want, you can have your name added to a list of people in your area who want a regular forum with their mp. wait a minute... you havent got the time to attend meetings? not into politics? well it's not exactly taxing (no pun intended). yep, you've guessed it - it's entirely online.

every time the number signed-up people in your area reaches a 'milestone' figure (25, 50, 75, 100, 150, ...) the website sends an email to your mp telling him/her that this number of their constituents want to know what they're doing with their life. whether or not the mp responds is up to them - but sooner or later they will need to, or risk their reputation (and potentially, their seat). when they do respond, their message is posted online for all to see.

i signed up today - happening to be the 50th person in the wycombe area to do so, and so triggering an email to mr paul goodman.

check out the league table for the uk to see how many people in your area want to know what your mp is doing with his/her life. and better, see whether your mp even cares that his/her constituents care. i think credit is due here to my former mp - david liddington (aylesbury). having received only one email request to interact with his constituents (only 34 of his constituents have signed up) he has posted 4 messages over the past few months - one of the highest totals from any mp. not only does each post detail his current work and focus in parliament, he goes further to openly ask his constituents to post comments/feedback and to contact him with any queries or concerns.

but so far he has no comments.

so come on aylesbury, give him his due! - here's an mp who's actually asking you how you want your country to be run. isn't this the whole point of the site in the first place? and further, isn't it what hundreds [if not thousands] of people around the country want to see?

very often we are so quick to react when something goes against us. we complain, we moan, we complain, we lobby, we demonstrate, we complain, we petition, we want our voices to be heard. how often do we support, thank, congratulate, and encourage - even when they are asking what we think?

salvation busters

the other day i re-stumbled ('to re-stumble': one of the less common verbs...) across this offering by friend and fellow cheesemonger timothy light esquire. i know it's not new, but believe me, it's still laugh-out-loud funny.

[aside: you could be forgiven for not recognising charlie hall's 'salvation' [sample]. on the other hand, if you don't recognise the 'busters', shame on you (were you alive in the last 20 years?)]

in today's news...

in today's edition of the times there is a free booklet extracted from the 9/11 commission report. It's titled 'the official cartoon' and tells the story of 9/11 in classic comic-book style. if you have a chance, pick up a copy (- if you're buying it merely for the comic, just look at it as a free 96-page report of events from around the globe coupled with 3 free su doku puzzles)

i was initally a little taken aback to find one of the most notable and shocking acts of contemporary genocide depicted in a style more commonly associated with superman.

however, in reading the first line of the cartoon's 'forward', all becomes clear:

"it was the goal of the commission to tell the story of 9/11 in a way that the american people could read and understand."

point taken.

grrrr

so, gas ovens. there's an interesting topic.

well, we bought one and had a firm delivery date for yesterday. it arrived nice and early in the day, but didn't appear to come with a gas pipe. now up until recently, i always understood gas cookers to come with a hose poking out of the back of them, which you simply plug into the bayonet fitting on the wall. push down, turn, 'click' and robert is most certainly your mother's brother.

but no. bobby is no longer your cousin's dad.

you see, without an obvious gas hose, off i go to the plumb centre who sell me one for fifteen english pounds and reliably inform me that a new cooker doesn't come with one because it's against current legislation to fit it yourself.

how hard can it be?

well, it appears that this 'new legislation' has meant that manufacturers now make it deliberately difficult to fit yourself in order to keep their friends the CORGI men in business. [and no, I don't mean these corgi men or these corgi men.] Instead of moulding a hose safely onto the cooker in the factory, they now leave a screw-fit hole for your separate hose to be installed. having screwed in the hose and tightened hard with a spanner, all appeared well. but unfortunately, a very faint gas smell is...well...smellable if you put your nose right on the joint. and i mean very faint.

having looked online, it appears a liquid sealant is required, or at least some sort of tightness test performed by our canine-related friends to ensure safe installation. but why? what's wrong with a bayonet fitting? and even if the manufacturers do decide on a fully detachable hose, what's wrong with a bayonet fitting on both ends?! it's as easy as fitting a lightbulb.

but no.

all this new scheme therefore achieves is that it takes a very safe procedure (hose already attached to cooker, plug in a bayonet fitting, turn and 'click') and replaces it with a very-simple-looking-but-potentially-life-threatening-procedure (for the majority of men, who, like me, will see how simple it looks and do it themselves) in an attempt to create a cash-cow for Mr CORGI.

but here's the thing: the leak is so inconspicuous you don't notice it. even with my nose right next to the pipe, i was still questioning whether any gas was escaping at all. so it's not even obvious if you've done it wrong.

and at the end of the day, you pay. the upshot is that i will be down £80 for some tail-wagging man to put some sealant on a hose and screw it into a cooker. now if that's not a money-making scheme, i don't know what is.in the meantime, we still don't have a working oven. ho-hum.

grrrr. well let's just hope he doesn't make a dog's dinner of it...

we're in

three days of mayhem and we've arrived on the other side of town. having been all "ikea'd up" and moved in by many happy helpers, we finally slumped down yesterday afternoon to catch up on some well deserved tv. two hours later i woke up with neck ache, to find some strange antiques roadshow history show playing instead of the programme i was in the middle of watching.

so i pose the question: if a tv show plays in a forest with nobody watching it, how old is the hard-set washing line in the back garden that won't move an inch? answers on a postcard...

manliness

we got the keys to our house yesterday evening, hurrah! having looked round the empty shell for a few minutes, it became obvious to me that this was a ‘blank canvas’ crying out for life’s delicate design. so having gone home to pick up my tools, i proceeded to rip out a built-in wardrobe, pull screws out of the wall and fill the holes again with manly polyfiller. nice to know my ‘life art’ is clearly in the style of early-learning poster paint.

that’s better…

house buying

we're buying a house today after almost five months of courtship (providing those funds clear...come on!). house buying is one of those funny things where you find one you like and then lovingly spend hundreds (if not thousands) of pounds, with no promise of return, to find out whether you're 'compatible' before you actually buy the flippin thing and finally become united in joyful harmony. to top it all off, in the meantime there's a chance that someone else will come along and tempt the house away from you with a better offer.

remind you of anything? ;op

i've landed

so blogs. thats where its at apparently. and for someone who is a qualified software engineer, you might wonder why blogger.com has celebrated its 7th birthday before i've blogged my first...er...blog. well to tell the truth, i never did it before for a number of reasons, apart from the fact that i never really got around to it.

• it seemed boring
• i didn't have anything interesting to share with the world
• it seemed boring
• if i started, i'd probably get bored after about 3 weeks. like a new years resolution
• i spend my whole day in front of a computer already
• it seemed boring
  
• who would read it anyway?

so what changed? well, on some level nothing. but i know i'm not very good at keeping up with people, so maybe this will be a good communication device. and spending my day in front of a computer might turn out to actually help with that. and while i still may not have anything interesting to share with the world, and nobody might ever read it, only time will tell. and i suppose i'm not too bothered either way :op

the older you get, the more you think. if that's true then i can only look forward to more 'thoughts' to share. so as a place to vent those thoughts, this'll do. (that's as philosophical as it gets at the moment)

so yes, i've landed in the twenty first century. hit the ground running. and yes, i'll be sure let you know the next time i do something pioneeringly earth-shattering ;o)